Masha Allah. Its been ages since i last posted bout my life! So many things happened recently and only God knows how grateful i am to be blessed with His mercy :)
Well first thing first, i am finally 4 months pregnant! Alhamdulillah.. After 4+ months of waiting and praying, Allah finally answered our prayers and granted me with the BEST GIFT a mother could ever asked for. Honestly the feeling was surreal and i still cant believe am gonna be a mum soon. Me? Mum? I always joked to others that my soon to be baby will be more matured than me and would often say to me "please be more matured, mummy!" lols. Yes thats what am gonna be called to as, Mummy :)
I think the 1st trimester of pregnancy i didnt really have it that bad. Yeah there were that normal phases you have to go through like nausea, vomitting and stuffs, but it wasnt that bad for me. Alhamdulillah. Now that am 21 weeks now, am getting a bit better and so as my appetite :p and the baby has already started kicking about! Love it and when he or she kicks, and i will miss it everytime!
I havent seen you yet baby but i already love you so much! Mummy and ayah cant wait to have you in our arms :) nxt week am gonna have my baby check and detailed scanning will be done. Pray that Allah eases the process and the baby is in good health. Insya Allah.
Will update again soon! Maybe with a photo of tiny ones? And perhaps by then i get to know the gender. Cant wait! :)
Tuesday, October 2, 2012
Sunday, July 8, 2012
Love letter for You.
If only i could describe how i feel about You, it would be impossible.
Because o' Allah, how many times have You saved me from leading the wrong path?
How many times have You been patience with my sins and wrongdoings?
How many times have You guided me and tried to bring me back to You?
And how many times have You tolerated and kind enough to forgive me and never stop showering me with Your Mercy when i dont even deserve it.
O' Allah! How i can not be grateful to You when You have taken all Your time and love to create us perfectly.
And we can't even take our 5 minutes to stop and worship You? To thank You for giving us life, for giving us everything?
Masha Allah.. You never ask a lot from us but only to worship you out of love, fear and sincerity. Yet You have given us more than what we asked for.
SubhanAllah! Allahuakhbar!
Words are incomparable to describe Your love and mercy.
I love You Allah, forever and always.
Because You helped me when no one could.
And You saved me when no one would.
And You never lose hope on me when I thought You would.
Because o' Allah, how many times have You saved me from leading the wrong path?
How many times have You been patience with my sins and wrongdoings?
How many times have You guided me and tried to bring me back to You?
And how many times have You tolerated and kind enough to forgive me and never stop showering me with Your Mercy when i dont even deserve it.
O' Allah! How i can not be grateful to You when You have taken all Your time and love to create us perfectly.
And we can't even take our 5 minutes to stop and worship You? To thank You for giving us life, for giving us everything?
Masha Allah.. You never ask a lot from us but only to worship you out of love, fear and sincerity. Yet You have given us more than what we asked for.
SubhanAllah! Allahuakhbar!
Words are incomparable to describe Your love and mercy.
I love You Allah, forever and always.
Because You helped me when no one could.
And You saved me when no one would.
And You never lose hope on me when I thought You would.
Wednesday, March 28, 2012
26 years.. the journey to the final destination.
26 years. Alhamdulillah. Allah has given me the chance to live for another year.. Perhaps, more like an opportunity for me to increase my ibadah and rewards for the Hereafter insyaAllah. THANK YOU THANK YOU ALLAH! For all my life You have NEVER ever failed to show me your MERCY. SUBHANALLAH!
Since its my birthday, I have the sudden urge to blog. About myself. My life. My journey. And my migration to a better me, with better purpose in life.
Why I said that? When I was young, it never really occurred to me why I was brought on this earth. I knew that Allah exists, I knew that my religion is Islam and I have to pray 5 times a day, daily. I knew that I have to do what my parents and society deemed or told me to. Go to school, get yourself educated, learn to make friends, hang out with them, enjoy the world, fun time with your family, get yourself a job, make money, be rich, get a big car, big house and the list goes on.. but as you see the list has nothing to do with Akhirah.. more focus on this Dunya, and yes at that time I was blind to see.. blind to see the real meaning and purpose of life.
Then, there was this turning point. I admit, it all happened after my dad passed away.. it didn't happened immediately, but I guess Allah (the ALL KNOWING and the ALL HEARING) is kind enough to show me His Hidayah. I never really knew how Hidayah felt like until it happened to me... I started to become scared.. scared of myself.. scared of how my fate is going to be like in the Hereafter. Am I going to be among the Believers, or the Losers? And when I read this one article about "Alam Bazarkh" I became really terrified and I do NOT want to be among the Losers.. and from then on I determined to change.. not drastically perhaps, but gradually.
Since then I realize that the REAL purpose of this life is to LIVE because of HIM. This earth/dunya is just a tool to get ourself to our REAL HOME.. which is Paradise/Jannah.. This dunya is where you are landed as a traveller.. to find yourself to the right direction, and to the right path. HIS path, the path of those who believe. And that actually make more sense.. life is not all bout getting educated, get yourself a job, make money and be rich, and you're going to be happy.. and what's next? what's next after you die? Is that it? Is that all and why God sent you down on this Earth? Just to strive for worldly matters? NO! He put you on earth to test you on which of you is among the Believers. He put you on earth to see who divinely want to strive for better Iman. He wants to be with those that Believe in Him. He wants the Jannah to be filled with those who are pious and reward those with good deeds ONLY. He is the ALL JUSTICE. And what makes you think you can escape all the evil deeds you did in this world?
So there you go.. My perception has changed. When you do things because of Allah, be it when you're studying, working, or living in marriage life, your purpose of life would be much clearer..Because you are doing it all to strive for Jannah.. To strive for your final HOME. And you will definitely find more inner peace and tranquility. Because you know, you are not living for the creations, but you are living for the Creator. For He is the One created You for purpose.. and He has the right to take us back, and He is taking those who only Believe in Him..
SubhanAllah.. Thank you Allah. Thank YOU thank YOU! I love you above ALL the things in this workd.. I love YOU and our messenger, Prophet Muhammad SAW..
"O Allah, I beg You, always guide me to your right path, don't leave me astray when you have given me your Hidayah"
Since its my birthday, I have the sudden urge to blog. About myself. My life. My journey. And my migration to a better me, with better purpose in life.
Why I said that? When I was young, it never really occurred to me why I was brought on this earth. I knew that Allah exists, I knew that my religion is Islam and I have to pray 5 times a day, daily. I knew that I have to do what my parents and society deemed or told me to. Go to school, get yourself educated, learn to make friends, hang out with them, enjoy the world, fun time with your family, get yourself a job, make money, be rich, get a big car, big house and the list goes on.. but as you see the list has nothing to do with Akhirah.. more focus on this Dunya, and yes at that time I was blind to see.. blind to see the real meaning and purpose of life.
Then, there was this turning point. I admit, it all happened after my dad passed away.. it didn't happened immediately, but I guess Allah (the ALL KNOWING and the ALL HEARING) is kind enough to show me His Hidayah. I never really knew how Hidayah felt like until it happened to me... I started to become scared.. scared of myself.. scared of how my fate is going to be like in the Hereafter. Am I going to be among the Believers, or the Losers? And when I read this one article about "Alam Bazarkh" I became really terrified and I do NOT want to be among the Losers.. and from then on I determined to change.. not drastically perhaps, but gradually.
Since then I realize that the REAL purpose of this life is to LIVE because of HIM. This earth/dunya is just a tool to get ourself to our REAL HOME.. which is Paradise/Jannah.. This dunya is where you are landed as a traveller.. to find yourself to the right direction, and to the right path. HIS path, the path of those who believe. And that actually make more sense.. life is not all bout getting educated, get yourself a job, make money and be rich, and you're going to be happy.. and what's next? what's next after you die? Is that it? Is that all and why God sent you down on this Earth? Just to strive for worldly matters? NO! He put you on earth to test you on which of you is among the Believers. He put you on earth to see who divinely want to strive for better Iman. He wants to be with those that Believe in Him. He wants the Jannah to be filled with those who are pious and reward those with good deeds ONLY. He is the ALL JUSTICE. And what makes you think you can escape all the evil deeds you did in this world?
So there you go.. My perception has changed. When you do things because of Allah, be it when you're studying, working, or living in marriage life, your purpose of life would be much clearer..Because you are doing it all to strive for Jannah.. To strive for your final HOME. And you will definitely find more inner peace and tranquility. Because you know, you are not living for the creations, but you are living for the Creator. For He is the One created You for purpose.. and He has the right to take us back, and He is taking those who only Believe in Him..
SubhanAllah.. Thank you Allah. Thank YOU thank YOU! I love you above ALL the things in this workd.. I love YOU and our messenger, Prophet Muhammad SAW..
"O Allah, I beg You, always guide me to your right path, don't leave me astray when you have given me your Hidayah"
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
Allah's greatest gift.
People would often say, to fight for cancer is to have a positive mind and attitude. Yes, I do believe in that. Infact, I always hope that while dad was suffering with his battle, I wish he was strong enough to pull it through. But he did not, and deep inside I know he sensed that his time was almost come to an end, and Allah has already prepared himself a better place where he would rest in peace. Indeed, I do believe in that.
People make mistakes, and nobody knows the truth behind what's going on throughout the time when my dad was fighting for cancer. I know that no matter how great he may seem as a father, he was never that saint and also did many mistakes which I believe he truly regrets. And that actually has made him a better man, a better father, a better husband and most of all a better servant to the Almighty. True what people said, it is not the journey that you have taken, it is what you decide on how you want the ending to be. And that is what matters to Allah. Afterall, He is the most Merciful and Forgiving. And for that, I am proud of you papa. You have became a person of what you should be.
And you have left the three things in dunya that can help you in Hereafter, 1) your knowledge to others 2) your charity to needy ones and 3) prayers from pious children. And I try my best to be that daughter who would pray for you day and night, hoping that you would find peace..just like how you would pray for me.
Remember all those times when you're there for me when I was in need? Your sacrifices were beyond measurable and the least I could do is to recite you with Al-Fatihah and Yassin because I believe that would be the greatest gift for you. I love you so much papa, and I miss you very dearly. I wish there would be thousands of you in this world then everyone could live in happiness. You're a great muslim, and I believe because of that, paradise has been made and perfectly done for you to live in happily for eternity. Insya Allah. Amin Ya Rabbal A lamin.
People make mistakes, and nobody knows the truth behind what's going on throughout the time when my dad was fighting for cancer. I know that no matter how great he may seem as a father, he was never that saint and also did many mistakes which I believe he truly regrets. And that actually has made him a better man, a better father, a better husband and most of all a better servant to the Almighty. True what people said, it is not the journey that you have taken, it is what you decide on how you want the ending to be. And that is what matters to Allah. Afterall, He is the most Merciful and Forgiving. And for that, I am proud of you papa. You have became a person of what you should be.
And you have left the three things in dunya that can help you in Hereafter, 1) your knowledge to others 2) your charity to needy ones and 3) prayers from pious children. And I try my best to be that daughter who would pray for you day and night, hoping that you would find peace..just like how you would pray for me.
Remember all those times when you're there for me when I was in need? Your sacrifices were beyond measurable and the least I could do is to recite you with Al-Fatihah and Yassin because I believe that would be the greatest gift for you. I love you so much papa, and I miss you very dearly. I wish there would be thousands of you in this world then everyone could live in happiness. You're a great muslim, and I believe because of that, paradise has been made and perfectly done for you to live in happily for eternity. Insya Allah. Amin Ya Rabbal A lamin.
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
Life, as I know it.
oh, why is life so complicated? no, wait let me rephrase that. why is MY life so complicated?
"Aku percaya Allah bagi aku semua dugaan ini untuk aku mendekatkan diri pada-Nya"
Let me start off about how my whole life starts to change, is when my family first found out that my dad had been diagnosed with lung cancer, stage 4. when that happened, the whole world starts crumbling down. life seems empty, and all i could feel is sorrow.
My dad, who I mostly rely, depend, and feel the sense of security from, has his life risks with cancer. When we first heard that he was suspected with the "killer cells", the whole family did nothing but cry. tears were endless, and it even saddened me when my dad said "Nangis la puas2, lepas ni you have to be strong"
Oh dad, how can I be strong? I'm not like you! You never once complained bout your braggy children, you never once hesitated to give a helping hand, or to be there when we need you. you never once failed to fulfill our needs for as long as you can give. you never even once make us feel absence of your presence. your always there, like you know you should.
But once again, my dad has proved me wrong. I am strong. In fact, after what happened, I think I have become a stronger person. there's always a reason and a blessing in disguise for whatever tests Allah has given.
1. Our family ties become stronger
2. I may be forgetful of Him, and He wants to bring me back to the right path
3. I may done so many sins, and this could be my punishment
4. I need to slowly become more independent and start realizing that I can't live with my parents forever
And true enough, slowly I was able to embrace this test with open heart, and of course with strong and loving support from relatives and friends. And this is also the time where you realized you have so many true friends who are there for you, through thick and thin. Oh, how I am blessed :)
Papa, there must be a reason behind everything that is bestowed upon you. I believe Allah only given this test to those He believes could embrace it with patience, preserverance and strong faith. He wants you to get closer to Him, to praise Him, to remember Him, and to always be with Him for every second of the day. And I know InsyaAllah, with Allah's blessings, He will help you to recover soon as He will never give up on those who never give up on Him :)
Amin.
I believe, this is a Karma too on my side. I know that I deserved this punishment. I accept it with open heart. He wants me to show me how it feels like to have your close family fall sick, and to be left by your other loved ones at the same time. Really, really karma.
"Aku percaya Allah bagi aku semua dugaan ini untuk aku mendekatkan diri pada-Nya"
Let me start off about how my whole life starts to change, is when my family first found out that my dad had been diagnosed with lung cancer, stage 4. when that happened, the whole world starts crumbling down. life seems empty, and all i could feel is sorrow.
My dad, who I mostly rely, depend, and feel the sense of security from, has his life risks with cancer. When we first heard that he was suspected with the "killer cells", the whole family did nothing but cry. tears were endless, and it even saddened me when my dad said "Nangis la puas2, lepas ni you have to be strong"
Oh dad, how can I be strong? I'm not like you! You never once complained bout your braggy children, you never once hesitated to give a helping hand, or to be there when we need you. you never once failed to fulfill our needs for as long as you can give. you never even once make us feel absence of your presence. your always there, like you know you should.
But once again, my dad has proved me wrong. I am strong. In fact, after what happened, I think I have become a stronger person. there's always a reason and a blessing in disguise for whatever tests Allah has given.
1. Our family ties become stronger
2. I may be forgetful of Him, and He wants to bring me back to the right path
3. I may done so many sins, and this could be my punishment
4. I need to slowly become more independent and start realizing that I can't live with my parents forever
And true enough, slowly I was able to embrace this test with open heart, and of course with strong and loving support from relatives and friends. And this is also the time where you realized you have so many true friends who are there for you, through thick and thin. Oh, how I am blessed :)
Papa, there must be a reason behind everything that is bestowed upon you. I believe Allah only given this test to those He believes could embrace it with patience, preserverance and strong faith. He wants you to get closer to Him, to praise Him, to remember Him, and to always be with Him for every second of the day. And I know InsyaAllah, with Allah's blessings, He will help you to recover soon as He will never give up on those who never give up on Him :)
Amin.
I believe, this is a Karma too on my side. I know that I deserved this punishment. I accept it with open heart. He wants me to show me how it feels like to have your close family fall sick, and to be left by your other loved ones at the same time. Really, really karma.
Monday, August 16, 2010
Friday, August 13, 2010
Moving on..
I did it for the best of both parties...I hope one day you'd understand..
Life is not a one easy ride. Who says so? Those who did, I reckon they don't really live a life. They merely live in fantasy. Everyday I tried to convince myself that I am not a bad person. That I did it for a reason. But it's far from the truth. I am a bad person. I did it for no reason.
I blamed myself everyday God knows how I really feel. I seriously know that I don't deserve to love, or to be loved right the moment I broke a person's heart.
When ppl asked, "So what exactly went wrong?". I honestly do not have an answer for that. The feeling inside is indescribable. Hard for me to comprehend. What more to convey it in form of words. The feeling is gone. And sure enough, it is the risk I am not willing to take, when your head says one thing, and your heart says another. It is funny that I used to find it hard to believe that how can you love a person one day, and the next day the feeling just washed away? And when it happened to me, I quietly understand and slowly start to believe that it can happen, that it is not impossible.
All this while I'm hanging on to him cos I'm afraid to let it go, afraid that I won't be having anyone else in my life if I do so. I'm glad that this event happened. At least I know that no matter what, I have to firm myself to believe that it is time to let this relationship go. And it is also a good way for him to realize that we were not meant for each other.
I don't really care anymore if I don't meet anyone or that I won't find that one person I want to be with. At this moment, I just want to be alone. Cos I deserve to be alone. I've had enough of breaking someone's heart.
Really had enough..
Life is not a one easy ride. Who says so? Those who did, I reckon they don't really live a life. They merely live in fantasy. Everyday I tried to convince myself that I am not a bad person. That I did it for a reason. But it's far from the truth. I am a bad person. I did it for no reason.
I blamed myself everyday God knows how I really feel. I seriously know that I don't deserve to love, or to be loved right the moment I broke a person's heart.
When ppl asked, "So what exactly went wrong?". I honestly do not have an answer for that. The feeling inside is indescribable. Hard for me to comprehend. What more to convey it in form of words. The feeling is gone. And sure enough, it is the risk I am not willing to take, when your head says one thing, and your heart says another. It is funny that I used to find it hard to believe that how can you love a person one day, and the next day the feeling just washed away? And when it happened to me, I quietly understand and slowly start to believe that it can happen, that it is not impossible.
All this while I'm hanging on to him cos I'm afraid to let it go, afraid that I won't be having anyone else in my life if I do so. I'm glad that this event happened. At least I know that no matter what, I have to firm myself to believe that it is time to let this relationship go. And it is also a good way for him to realize that we were not meant for each other.
I don't really care anymore if I don't meet anyone or that I won't find that one person I want to be with. At this moment, I just want to be alone. Cos I deserve to be alone. I've had enough of breaking someone's heart.
Really had enough..
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